Thursday, February 18, 2010

fear!!!!

I always considered myself a person that was OK. Someone that in a time of crisis could remain cool and calm to maintain peace. I felt this so strongly that I did not know what else there was in a emotional crisis....

Last night, as I was laying in bed after staying up till 1 in the morning doing homework I felt fear. It looked me in the eyes and raised its sword. I over did it on espresso (3 glasses to be exact)and then decided to take a diet pill as soon as the coffee was wearing off. Not the smartest idea. SO I laid in bed and closed my eyes to be startled by the racing of my heartbeats. My chest was thumping with pattering of my heart. I was scared for my life. I sat up and ran to the kitchen. I could not stop the beating, my heart was racing. I told myself to take deep breaths, deep breaths. I kept thinking that I was all alone in this house, what if i died. Tenseness started on the left side of my neck and arm. The signs of a Heart attack? It couldn't be I am only 29. Please God, don't take me now, Please God. Dizziness began and I knew I had to remain still and close to a chair in case I passed out. Keep breathing I Said, deep breaths I thought. I walked back and forth. The only thing that crossed my mind was the Movie the proposal.I started singing out loud like a crazy person "Relax, Go to it, WHere you want to do it!" It was someone keeping me calm as I paced the house. I kept drinking water in hopes of diluting the problem, but nothing was working. Why did I do this? Why? I start reasoning with God and wanted to call my mother who was two houses down.
the anxiety went away, I thought. I felt better, I can do this. Then the pattering again... Deep breaths, deep breaths. I didn't know what to do. I ran to the shower and laid in a tub filled with cold water.I was fully dressed in case I died in the there. If someone walked in I didn't want to be butt naked, Dead. That would be too much. I was preparing myself for the worse case scenario. This should work I thought, Nope, the tension in my neck was back. I wanted to cry but forced myself to remain calm because I thought crying would only accelerate my heart rate. I remained calm in a crisis like I always do. trying to figure out solutions like Dr. House. nothing was working.
What if I died? what if this was my time? Like this? Alone, Alone in a house no one would check on till the morning. I was so scared.Continually Pleading with God. What do I do. I unlocked the door just in case someone decided to check on me and I was passed out. Stay calm, Breath. ...... Breath,, Deep Breaths, Just Relax.

I finally called my mother.
"Mom, Mommy" As I took deep breaths.
"Whats wrong?, You OK? she replied in a sleepy voice
" I'm scared, I don't know what to do." Breathing slowly
"What happened?" As fear became noticeable.
I told her what I had done and walked over to her house thinking the cold air would assist in lowering my heart rate. In her house more fear exuded. Relax, Relax. She told me to sit down but I couldn't. Sitting made me notice my beating heart and It was causing more fear. I paced the house breathing slowly. She called the EMT an I saw her eyes watering. I felt I could read her thoughts right then and there. She thought I was dying, Her youngest sound was having a heart attack right before her eyes.
" Stay calm mother, or I am going to freak out."
She called my aunt to tell her what was happening and The conversation got emotional as it kept going.
"Ma, get off the phone please" I said calmly as She continued talking like she was in the series Gossip Girl. I didn't want everyone to know what was going on. Damn it was 3am.....
"Ma, Listen your freaking me out, I feel my heart racing more with you on the phone." Her eyes were glassy and staring at me breathing. Still on the phone.
" If you LOVE ME, HANG UP THE FUCKING PHONE!!" I yelled as she hung up.
" OK now tell me how your day went?" I asked calmly. " just talk to me please, and distract me."

She began telling about her day and talked to me about movies, shows and the dogs. Then the chills began. I was freezing, Shaking, turning white and looking faint. I'm scared.
"Where are the paramedics!?!"


They finally Got there, and after using the bathroom like 50 times while waiting I was starting to feel better. I remember going into the ambulance and telling the paramedic "I'm feeling better now, can we just cancel this?"
She laughed "NO" as she clicked me in the stretcher

...... I'm alright, I had a Anxiety attack induced by caffeine and diet pills. That was the closest to death I ever felt, and it was the scariest feeling. dying I wasn't so scared of, but....... DYING ALONE.! Not having someone hold you, touch you and love you as you leave. Just YOURSELF.... ALONE>

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Platinum

"Why was I born with black hair?" I remember her asking me the first time she became my client. "I'm a BLOND!!!" and this she was!

It takes a certain type of person to be able to pull off blond hair. Blond requires spunk,finesse,glamor,strength,personality,innocence and a sense of being a DIVA. If someone does not possess one or more of these qualities I would consider being a Brunette!! Not saying that Brunettes do not share some of these traits, they do;But i will get into that later.

"Platinum, make me Platinum blond!" she shouted.
Her personality really did deserve to have blond hair, better yet Platinum. I noticed other clients staring in her direction as she told stories with enthusiasm and no shame. She acted like she was the only star in the room, no one else there but me and her.Her mind only had room for me, herself and her hair. I really have to say that God made a mistake, she should of been Snow white blond.

I began the process of completely lightening all of her hair with on the scalp crystal lightener. No foils involved. I was going for it! I had bleached my hair out one time and I know the pain can be excruciating.I could only wonder the thoughts crossing her mind. The Transformation began....

She sat in my chair,beautiful as ever. Her body was covered in tattoos and piercings, her shirt half open, sweat pants barely covering her booty and a tan to die for. She was beautiful in the most wrongest ways. She looked in the mirror. she saw herself with a shower cap filled with lightener and strangers glaring at her through her reflection..... My eyes froze, she saw what I saw..... People judging her with their eyes, looking at her like Julia Roberts in pretty woman on RODEO DRIVE BABY.

"I hate Fat, Ugly,Stupid Bitches." she said loudly. "People are always worried that I'm going to still their man, Maybe if they were not so fat and took care of themselves their husbands would want to screw them."
My heart dropped, my eyes widen, and anxiety got the best of me. "Yea... lets go put you under the dryer." I said as I smiled walking her over to the dryer area. Her butt crack became more purposely visible so the audience could have more to stare at.


Becoming a Platinum Blond requires some work. The hair closest to the scalp has to be the same color as the rest of the blond. the proper toner needs to be applied to give that soft, shiny white glow. When you notice the hair getting lighter, keep going because it is not done.

Her hair was done, her beauty enhanced. She was Snow white blond! All she needed were the seven dwarfs to cater to her lavish needs. We looked in the mirror together and I saw the strength of her misjudgments, the finesse of her beauty and the her Divaness was enhanced. It takes a certain person to be a Platinum blond. Sometimes genetics are not in your favor, Sometimes God plays cute hair jokes but always, always, ALWAYS Certain People are born to be Blond.
She gave me a hug, tipped me huge and taught me that even the villains have beautiful hearts.The Platinum Blond beauty played with her hair as she walked passed her audience and winked. " Maybe I will see your husbands tonight!" Crack still showing as she left the salon.
Next time I will have to put Baby in the Corner.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Golden Blond

She sat in my chair and looked in the mirror admiring her beauty or so I thought. She was really picking herself apart. The Golden Blond did not see what she had once seen in herself. Her beauty was fading from her eyes, yet the world just saw... The Golden blond.
Golden Blond is a color that not many people care for when choosing that perfect Blond color. It is too warm for many, yet it is the most natural looking color blond around. This color add shine and dimension giving the average woman unparalleled appeal.
She appeared soft serene on the outside yet torn apart on the inside. The Golden Blond created a facade of beauty that only others saw. She looked in the mirror and spoke "I'm ready, I'm ready to let some of my gray show."
Foiling her hair with Golden blond, Lightener and leaving some of her natural gray would give her the look of a blond that is aging gracefully and gradually.
The Golden Blond would lay in bed wishing life was over! She lost her true love, her life and the sense of who she was. Her husband served in Vietnam and died in a helicopter accident. He was her world..... Her world was gone. The only thing she could do to identify who she once was, was to maintain her GOLDEN BLOND. That was what her husband loved, saw and smelled each night before kissing her lips goodnight. He was her protector, He loved her like no other and held her safe in his arms. Living a world without him was something seven years could not take away. How do you let go? How do you live a life, you feel not worth living? How do you breath air if you could not share it with the one you loved? These questions were the questions she asked herself repeatedly when she looked in the mirror.
Her hair processed for 30 minutes under the dryer when I saw something I had never seen. Her Golden blond hair was gone... It was covered in foils and at that moment the beauty was gone. The pain revealed itself and I saw what she saw in herself. I saw loneliness, misunderstanding and fear exuding through her eyes. She was alone in a world of so many.
Her hair was done and styled in a soft tousled look giving her youthfulness around her face and softening her harsh lines that appeared from her suffering. Her mask was back on and beauty reappeared.
She looked in the mirror, smiled half heartily and saw that young girl married to that young guy FOREVER IN Love. She saw him touch her face, kiss her lips..... and smell her GOLDEN BLOND hair.....


THE GOLDEN BLOND>>>>> EVERYONE HAS A STORY
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