Friday, January 28, 2011
Perception is Reality!!
You look at me as if I can do no wrong. You see what you want to see, but is that me? I guess in your eyes it is.
I listen to your stories, I hear everything you tell me with attentive ears. I feel your pain when your sad, I extend my arms to you when you cry. I am everything you need that sometimes you portray me as your angel. An angel that has fallen from the heavens to soften your pain, heal your wounds, feel your agony, and to tell you that everything will be ok.
You describe me to other as an angelic being. Someone that is soft to the touch, that loves unconditionally, that genuinely cares for everyone. Sweet and serene, Silent yet Golden. Fragile yet Strong. Everything that that Perfection could be, you say its ME..
But do you really know me?
Did you know that I like to Fucking curse in every other sentence!
Did you know that I randomly flick off fucking slow drivers!!
Did you know that I Like Taking shits When I'm on the fucking phone!
Did you Know That I am fucking annoyed by half the population!!
NO! YOu didn't Fucking know any of this because You didn't ask.
You didn't hear what I had to say, I only fucking listened.
I smiled and Listened attentively to your fucking stories, Your Fucking Sobs, and your Fucking Bitching!!!
What about Listening to me for a Fucking Change..... You might realize that I am just like everyone else!
Reality is truly what we perceive it to be!! We all have a ANgel and Demon in us, it is what we allow others to see that they label us as!!!
Your perception is your Fucking reality, NOT MINE.... LOL
Thursday, January 27, 2011
But the weirdest things is he came in to see me Yesterday with this pretty interesting story and I thought I'd share it with everyone.
"Randy tell me what happened" I asked
"well...." he said " its the craziest, yet scariest thing i've ever been through" as he smirked.
He told me he was chatting online one night,I guess he was really bored or something, maybe looking for some action. Well this one person he was talking to starting sounding really interesting. Randy said they chatted for about an hour online.
Randy asked his new found friend various questions about what he looked like, his age, location, YOu know the general questions you ask when your getting to know someone. Finally he typed whats your name...
"Stephen, and i'm 23 Black male 6'3 190 tall slender nice build very attractive.."
Randy started getting intersted, very nice description he thought to himself.
"Maybe we should talk on the phone, what do u think?" Randy typed
"Sure " Stephan replied
They exchanged numbers and talked on the phone for another hour, by this time Randy told me it was almost 12 or so.
"You want to come over" stephan said " we can have a great time tonite"
Randy was alittle scared but curious at the same time... MAybe this one is the one! he thought.
"Uhm sure why not" he replied
Stephan gave randy directions and Randy was on his way to supposedly have the greatest night ever...
As he approached the house the all the lights outside were off, I guess Stephan lived in a Trailer and the porch was enclosed and extended a couple of feet in the yard. It was kinda creepy he told me but it was too late for him to turn back. He called Stephan to let him know he was there and headed inside... Stephan told him the door would be open just to walk in.
So randy did......
The INside of the house was very dark with Huge plants all around the house strategically placed in corners to block people in. The one lamp that was in the corner was on Dim and the couches were old, Maybe even from Good will, NOw nothing against Goodwill .. ok shoppers. A chirp came from the back ground which made randy look to see it what it was, it was a Parrot...
He wondered if it talked .
Right beside the Parrot Cage was an empty cage as if a hamster or Rat lived in it... OR died in it... All these thoughts ran through his head as he waited for the Hot guy to emerge.. Where was he ? he kept wondering.
Out of the Kitchen, A Shadow formed, Tall? Yes, Dark? Yes, 190 ...... UHM definetly not... Randy began to freak but not showing it, only on the inside...
"Hey " Stephen said , "Have a seat"
A Gorilla walked into the living room, well it could of been one but it was only Stephan... Wow randy thought the description was way off... why lie?, Theres a big difference between 190 and 500 lbs he imagined..
"hey" Randy smiled, " I love your house, You like plants dont you?" giggling on the inside.. His heart was pounding, fear was racing, and his imagination was getting the best of him. How do I get myself out of here, without him sensing i'm scared? he kept thinking.
"So your really hot" stephan replied as he sat on the couch on the opposite side of Randy.
The couch sunk in and formed to his butt... it was as if the couch knew exactly where to go not to piss him off.
"So what happened to the animal that lived in that cage?" Trying to make the situation alittle less awkward.
"Hungry, Hungry, Hungry" THe parrot recieted over and over .... Whats going on Randy thought, Was the parrot hungry or was Stephan Hungry and the parrot was telling me what really happened to the Hamster? He imagined the monster devouring the missing hamster, or maybe it was A rat, it would take more than a hamster to make him full. WHo knows?
"So you want to go to the room?" Stephan asked breathing deeply as he tried to get off of the couch.
"Sure do" randy said as he stood up. " you have a condomn" Randy knew he didn't have one because they talked about it on the phone and Randy was suppose to pick one up on the way. " I forgot to get one on the way."
"NO i dont have one" He replied... "But do we really need one?"
"OF course, I dont do nothing without one, I think i might have one in my wallet, its in my glove compartment" as he patted his pockets.
"Sure go get one"
"They are extra large too!!" Randy said very expressively and excitedly. "I'll be right back, get ready ok."
Randy opened the door and headed to his car, He opened the door and sat down in the drivers seat and started looking in his glove compartment. ....
As soon as the Stephan shut the door and stopped watching , Randy put his key in the ignition started laughing and pulled out as fast as he could and drove off... He laughed the whole way home ...
It was the scariest yet funniest thing he had ever been through, HOw could someone just lie about something like that. He said " I mean if you know you look like a gorrilla , lie and say you look like a baby one, but dont say your 190 when your 500 thats alittle to much" he grinned.
Randy laughed as he told me this story, I think he also told me that he almost slipped and called Him AMY. but was glad that he didn't caus that would of really triggered Stephen and made him try to eat him.... LITERALLY....
thanks for the story randy
Amy is the name of the Gorilla in CONGO>>>>
Monday, January 24, 2011
Well Time does heal all wounds I should say....
Life is about choices, Each choice we make brings a different outcome and if you aren't ready for the life altering events that are to follow then be more cautious of the decisions we make.
I remeber driving, hearing this CD that I hadn't listened to for like a year or so, and for the first time I heard the word to this song I really liked. I mean this was the first time I really listened to what the song was saying, NOt what I was making the song to be.
It impacted me in such a way that i changed my perpection on people and their life story. Each person has a story, a mystery that ONly they know.
WHen you see a HOmeless person standing on the street with their eyes wide open, their hands withered holding a sign, Dirt plied up on thier face and sadness in their eyes. what is our first reaction? They just want the money for booze or something to that affect, But what if they are really homeless and that was there only option, or better yet, what if that person was getting food for their family? What was it like to be THem, to walk in their shoes , to mourn the memories that tore their mind to pieces. Would I give a day to walk their life? Probally not. SHould I consider it? yes.
I know one question that I should consider is what are the possiblities that could of altered their life, and how would I handle that same situation. Well the song talked about thoses issues that I had never thought about. I think I would give a day to just Experience how that life would be , just to change my perception on LIFE..... Their LIFE , their WORLD as they know it. We all owe it these people, because we don't fully know their story , we only know the story we give them ANd that isn't fair. WEll its so funny how one little song can change you as person. It doesnt mean that I'm changed or would give them my last dollar but Next time, I tell you this, I will CONSIDER it....
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I always wanted to be a nurse, I know it is strange, but true. I have a sick obsession with helping people where I sometimes sacrifice my own needs for theirs. It's just something that a part of me needs like a crack head needs crack. (and not the good kind.) I went to CNA school and part of the training required that we did clinical hours at a nursing home. This was my first experience ever setting foot in one of them places. It is such an interesting experience that I highly recommend everyone at least visit once in their life. Well, hell at this rate a majority of us will be living in one when we get to old to take care of ourselves. Not I!!! I refuse to deal with the shit that goes on their. I'd rather take myself out before letting someone else wipe my ass. I have a friend that already told me to to add Xantaz to whatever suicidal drug I chose. They supposedly can't revive you when you mix that to the cocktail. (no don't try this at home).
Well, enough about death. that's a whole other blog. Lets go back to my first day at clinicals in a nursing home in Fayetteville, NC. I won't mention the name because that would be so wrong. I remember being dressed in my scrubs that had to be all white of course so we would look different from the real CNA's. Actually, I think the patients were happier with us because at least we did things by the book. (if you know what I mean.) I was assigned to a sweet little old lady that was in a room by herself. The sign on the door said that she had Parkinson's disease. AT the time I really did not know what the hell that disease was. I immediately thought that it was something like altizmers but a more fancier way to name it. But whatever!!, I was there to do a job, and a job I was going to do! I knocked on the door to let her know I was there.
"Come in" she said in a really shaky tone.
As i entered the room she was already up and about looking through her nightstand for a razor. She was dressed in a sky blue night gown and had huge bifocals on. She looked like the image of what a grandma was always represented in those cute story books I read as a child. I just wanted to give her a huge hug and listen to all her stories, but that would be weird because she wasn't my grandma. She seemed very competent and was pretty active for having altimerzers,I thought to myself. I just couldn't understand why she was shaking so much....
"Hi, I'm Victor and I am going to be your CNA for today." I walked over to her "You need me to help you with anything?"
"I need to shave." she responded. I was so confused at this point. I knew I wasn't allowed to shave her legs or anywhere else because it was just me in the room and they did not let male CNA's do stuff like that.
"Uhm, Did you want me to go get someone to help you with that?" I asked as she walked over to the bathroom.
"No, I need you to shave my face." she said shaking
I felt so damn relieved. I looked at her face immediately and saw that she had these little white or grey hairs growing from her chin and her cheeks. Oh, and she had one of them old lady mustaches that they sometimes get. I looked around the bathroom for some shaving cream.... I guess she was out. I sat her on the toilet and began lathering her face with soap and water.
"So, do you usually shave your face with just soap and water" I asked as I continued to try and shave her face. It was so much harder trying to shave her face because her skin was nothing like my own. I had to stretch her skin out so the blade on the bic razor could do its job. I must of looked confused or scared because she got up and snatched the razor from me with her fragile shaky hand.
"I can do this myself!" she yelled. Well, it wasn't really a yell but
I guess in elderly language it could of been a yell.
She began to shave her face as I looked at her dumbfounded. I felt really bad letting her shave because she couldn't stop shaking. She pressed the razor to her face and starting shaving away. I felt sick to my stomach as she continued. It was that weird feeling like when you see someone shave in the bathroom in those movies and then they cute themselves. This poor little lady was gashing her face up and I just continued to watch.
"You sure you don't need me to help?" I asked as I stared at the live plastic surgery that was going on.
" I do this all the time" she replied still shaving, or should I say slicing.
It was pretty gross to watch. I did what I would do if it were me and wet toilet paper and put them on the cuts. She eventually finished, Thank God. I waved her goodbye and couldn't help but giggle on the way out. She has so much toilet paper on her face, poor thing.
I told the head nurse what happened and she explained to me what Parkinson's Disease was. I felt like an ass.